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June 2008
Jacob hurt his finger playing with a pocket door in our bathroom that
we have told him not to play with multiple times. I had a headache
all day and when Jacob hurt his finger, I was not the most
compassionate father. I was short with him and not very
understanding. In the midst of half-heartedly consoling him,
Macayla's started having grand mal seizures (see the blog).
During those seizures, Macayla stopped breathing. She turned gray and
her eyes glazed over. She was slipping away. In a panic, I yelled at
Macayla to "breathe." Jacob heard me and came in the room.
He saw that I had tears on my face and he asked what he could do to
help. The only thing that came out of my mouth was, Pray! Pray that
Macayla will start breathing again. Jacob responded, O.k. in a very
matter-of-fact tone. He took two steps down the hall and prayed out
loud. He said, God can you help Macayla stop choking and start
breathing again? Could you do it today, like right this instant?
Within a few seconds of Jacob finishing that prayer, Macayla spit out
a lot of mucus and began breathing again. Once Macayla seemed stable,
I began to clean things up. Jacob came back to the room carrying a
bottle of diet pepsi
(my favorite soda) and said, Dad I brought you something to make you
feel better. I had to hug him and ask his forgiveness. I told him
that when he hurt his finger, I had not been very nice. But when I
was upset and scared he came along side and prayed and comforted me.
I told him he was being a bigger man than I was. He hugged me and
gently patted my back and said, It's o.k. Dad. It is quite humbling
to be Jacob's Dad.
March 2008
Learning about the End
Over the past two months, Jacob has been asking more and more
questions about Macayla and her condition. He has also been asking
about death in general and though he never directly put the two
together, I could tell he was getting close to putting the pieces
together of Macayla's prognosis. We have purposely waited in telling
him until he seemed ready to process it. Finally, Jacob asked if
Macayla will grow up. I reminded him that neither we nor the doctors
can get rid of Battens disease. I reminded him that because of
"the Battens" Macayla will continue to lose her abilities
and her body will not work as well. I then told him that Macayla
would die because of “the Battens.”
He went silent for a moment and then said, “I don’t think
that is right. I think you would die first, Dad, because your
older.” I told him it is usually that way, but because of
Battens, Macayla will die while she is still a child. He then asked,
“Will she go to heaven?” I said yes and he then asked,
“Will she grow up in heaven?” To that I could only say,
“Jacob she will be more grown up than any of us because she will
be her whole self.” He was silent. I asked him how all of this
made him feel and he quickly changed the subject.
As we have been pre-planning for Macayla’s funeral, we have
discussed how to prepare Jacob as best we can. Then Jennifer’s
grandmother died suddenly. When I told Jacob the news, he was visibly
shaken. He said he was sad and felt bad. On his own, he knew this
meant he would not see Nanny again. We talked about it some, but he
mainly wanted to be quiet and hide his face. He did not cry but was
just quiet. After a while he got up to play and from time to time he
would stop and tell me that he still felt sad. He asked if he would
always feel sad. I told him no but that it might take a while before
the sadness goes away.
Then, I was in the kitchen with Macayla giving her medicines and
Jacob ran in and said, “Dad, don’t” and he stopped
mid-sentence. He came over to me and whispered, “Dad, don’t
tell Macayla about Nanny. It will make her feel bad too.”
At bed time, he said he still felt bad. I suggested that it might
help to talk about some of our favorite things about Nanny. He said,
“Dad, if we talk about that, I’ll just worry about it
more.” I told him that was o.k. too. The next morning, he and
Jennifer did talk about some favorite things. Jacob wanted to know
about Nanny’s pound cake. He asked if we had the recipe for
Nanny’s pound cake and we assured him that we did. It may not
taste exactly like Nanny’s, but I had to share with him that Mom
makes a great one.
We went through the process of the funeral with Jacob and he learned
about caskets and burial. He wanted to see Nanny in the casket, but
that was not possible. It was a closed-casket service and I simply
told Jacob that the casket had to stay closed. Overall, he did great.
He is still sad and he had some tender moments with the family. In a
small way, it is preparation for Jacob as we face Macayla’s
prognosis. I hate this tragedy has struck our family and we miss
Nanny tremendously. But now, Nanny is all grown up and complete in
heaven and that should bring comfort to Jacob.
February 2008
The last couple of months have been hectic and I think Jacob has had
to spend too much time with his Dad. My attitude got a check the
other day when we were riding together in the van. We were pressed
for time so I apparently was not being very personable. Jacob said,
"It must be pretty boring to be a father." I asked what he
meant. He responded, "It must be boring to be a father because
you have to take care of kids all the time." I assured him that
being a father was not boring, maybe difficult at times, but not
boring. I took some time to think about what led him to this
conclusion. My attitude was obviously teaching him something about
fathers. To top it off, the next day he comes to me out of the blue
and says, "Dad, I CAN wait to be a grown up. Being a grown up is
not much fun so I can wait." His perception and wisdom was
convicting. Being a grown up does not mean we should lose the wonder
of life, but I obviously reflected that loss of wonder to Jacob. It
is also convicting that as a father I was being a poor reflection of
the heavenly Father that I want to point Jacob to. I pray that I can
regain that wonder and let it be contagious for Jacob.
December 2007
We had Macayla’s feeding tube relocated and there were a few
complications with the process that didn’t end when we got home (check
out the blog). That first night home with this tube was
infuriating and I was very impatient. It was bedtime. After we got
Macayla settled, I went in to read a story with Jacob and say his
prayers. He was so excited that we were all home again after we were
apart for three days. As I was reading his bedtime story, he was
bouncing all over the room. He couldn’t sit still. I told him
multiple times to be still and pay attention but he couldn’t
seem to help it. After several long days, I honestly just wanted to
get this done and go to bed and his antics were slowing down the
process. He climbed in the bed and we started our little prayer
process. Normally I ask him to think about something he thinks is
really neat about God, something he needs to tell God sorry for,
something he is thankful for, and anything he wants to ask God for,
for himself or others. Then we pray. But he couldn’t be still.
He was giggling and fidgeting all over the bed. He tried to stand on
his head in the bed. I tell him to lie down. We are praying. We
didn’t get through these steps because he was so giggly and
fidgety. I told him in a firm voice that it was bedtime and time to
say prayers, so he needed to lay down and focus on what we are doing.
He laid down and pulled the sheets over his face and said,
“Sorry.” The atmosphere in the room went from chaotic to
silent. I was just about to start back with the prayer when he pulls
his sheet off of his face and points at me. With a giggle he quotes a
movie line he and I had been joking about earlier and starts
laughing. I could feel the smile come across my own face. I started
laughing and tickling him. As I did, I realized that God was behind
Jacob’s giggles and fidgets. A weight came off of my shoulders.
Prayer time is not only a time to talk to God but to listen. I
realized that what God was saying during our prayer time was,
“Lighten up. Laugh a little. It will work out.” Jacob and I
laughed together, gave hugs and kisses and he immediately settled
down. Jacob had no problem going to sleep.
November 2007
This morning I was running behind and trying to get Jacob’s
lunch together for school. I was making macaroni and cheese for him
and started cooking the noodles in the microwave. I got distracted by
Macayla for a moment and the noodles sat for quite a while after they
finished cooking. About twenty minutes later I realized that his
lunch was still not together so I pull the noodles out of the
microwave and they were all clumped together at this point. Jacob was
in the kitchen watching. Without thinking I said out loud to myself,
“That was real dumb, Jeff.” To which Jacob asked, “What
was dumb, Daddy?”
I had messed up and used a word I didn’t want Jacob to learn and
I was demonstrating impatience quite well. I explained that I messed
up his lunch because I forgot to take out his noodles in time. I will
now try my best to quote exactly what he said to me.
Jacob said, “You don’t need to use that word
‘dumb’, Daddy. It’s o.k. you just forgot and it was an
accident. It wasn’t dumb. Even if you do something that is
wrong, that you’re not supposed to do, you still don’t have
to use that word ‘dumb.’ If you do something wrong, God
will always give you a way out. Yeah, He always helps you get out of
things that are wrong. You can tell Him what you do wrong and that is
a way out. I learned that at school the other day. God will give you
a way out and help you and forgive you. But you didn’t do
anything wrong, Daddy. It was just an accident.”
I thank God for sending His little messenger to our family. I thank
God that Jacob gets it. I thank God for speaking through our
son’s life. I thanked Jacob and God this morning for the
“Macaroni and Cheese” sermon on 1 Corinthians 10:13. The
macaroni and cheese turned out fine by the way.
September 2007
For a couple of months now, Jacob has been asking questions about
death and heaven and graveyards. It is definitely a discussion
that we weren’t quite ready to tackle. We have been
careful with our choice of words when we explain Macayla’s
situation to Jacob. She is not “sick” because we
don’t want him to associate the word “sick” with what
he sees happening to Macayla. We all get sick but we don’t
all stop walking and talking because of it. We simply say she
has Battens and the Battens is what causes Macayla not to walk, talk,
or eat. He has handled that well but now he is asking questions
that get to the heart of her prognosis. He hasn’t directly
asked if Macayla will die from Battens, but he is getting close to
putting that together. Over the past two months, he asked if
God wanted Macayla to have Battens but not us. Another time he
asked why there are diseases in the world. He also asked why
people die. He has asked if Jennifer and I will die.
Jacob is asking why there is suffering in the world. I wonder
if he is trying to understand why there is suffering in the world
when there is a good God. He said that Jesus can heal people so
he wants to pray that He would heal Macayla of Battens. The
only direction I have been able to point him in is the story of Adam
and Eve. This story points us to the fact that God didn’t
want there to be diseases and death, so he made a world free of
that. But Adam and Eve disobeyed God and that changed them, the
earth, and even the human genome. It brought death and disease
into creation. This is all hard to explain to a four-year old
and that’s because it is hard for even a thirty-four year old to
grasp. But Jacob is beginning to understand the general idea
that we live in a world where death, disease, and disappointment
exists. He is beginning to understand that God is not satisfied
with that so He became a man we call Jesus to come and heal us of
death and sin. I told Jacob to keep praying that God would heal
Macayla because God will either heal her on earth or in heaven.
He asked if she would have Battens in heaven. I said no.
He said, “That’s good!” In the midst of all
these discussions, he has brought up the idea that one day he may get
married and have children. I told him he could name his son
Jacob, Jr. He quickly said, “No, Dad. I have to name
my son, not you!” I asked him what he would name his
daughter if he had a little girl. He said,
“Cayla.” That’s what he calls Macayla. I
said that would be great. He then asked, “Will my little
girl have Battens too?” I told him that he didn’t
need to worry about that right now. We can check on that later
and there are some ways to keep that from happening. We pray
that God will give us the words and help Jacob’s probing and
concrete mind understand what in needs to when he needs to.
August 2007
Jacob and I were playing and wrestling. He was trying to get me
to chase him by calling me silly, made-up names. Then he called
me a miscreant. A miscreant! I couldn’t believe it
nor could I really define it. So, I looked it up and found out
that my son just called me “villainous, an infidel, or
heretic.” As it turns out, we have the movie Ice Age 2 to
thank for Jacob’s expanded vocabulary. But watching that
movie again, I’m thankful he didn’t repeat a couple of
other words that are in that movie. He didn’t learn any
four-letter words just the nine-letter words. He gets to have a
more sophisticated potty mouth!! I can’t wait to see his
SAT scores!
June 2007
Macayla and I went to the daycare to pick Jacob up. As we were
leaving the building a young boy and his mother were walking
out. The boy saw Macayla in her wheelchair and asked, “What
happened?” I told him that Macayla has a condition that
keeps her from walking and she needs a wheelchair. Jacob
promptly elaborated, “She has the Battens. She can’t
walk because of the Battens.” This brought puzzled looks
onto the boy’s and mother’s faces. I explained what
Battens was and told the mother that we don’t use the word
“SICK” (spelling it out to her) to explain things to
Jacob. I said, “We simply tell him that it’s because
of the Battens that she can’t walk. It’s because of
the Battens she can’t talk.” Before she could respond
Jacob said, “Yeah, Macayla can’t talk, but I talk all the time.”
Easter
Jacob and I were in the kitchen the Tuesday before Easter. I
asked him what he thought Easter was about. He stated it was
about Jesus. I was glad to hear that. He then asked me to
tell him the story about Jesus. So I gave him the quick
version. Jacob was not satisfied with this short version. He
began asking questions about Jesus’ friends and why were the bad
men mad at Jesus. He wanted to know how they put Him on a cross
and what a tomb was. I was taken off guard a bit, but this is
Jacob after all and he likes details.
So, we got a children’s Bible with pictures and began reading
it. On Wednesday night, Jacob wanted to say prayers at bedtime
and he asked that we pray for a friend he has that calls people
names. Jacob said, “Jesus will tell (my friend) to stop
calling people names because it makes them upset.” So, we
prayed for his friend. After prayer, I kissed him goodnight and
he began talking about “scratches and slips.” It took
a minute, but he said that there were these “slips” with
rocks in them and they scratched Jesus. As it turned out, Jacob
was talking about the “cat of nine tails”, a horrible WHIP
(not “slip”) that the Roman soldiers used for
scourging. I asked him where he heard about Jesus being whipped
and he said his teacher told him. I was surprised, but Jacob
was handling the information well. He said that the whip had
rocks in it and those rocks would scratch Jesus every time it hit
Him. I tried to give him something more so I told him that the
Bible says that by Jesus’ wounds, by His “scratches”
we are healed. I told him that because of what Jesus did Jesus
could heal his friend of name calling. Jacob thought for a
moment and then said, “Dad, when my friend called me a bad name,
I called him a bad name too.” WOW. In light of the
discussion we were having, it felt like Jacob (who’s not even 4)
was being convicted by the Holy Spirit! He felt compelled to
confess and I had not even hinted at that. I told him that
Jesus could help him with that too. I was floored.
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Before the week was out, we built a tomb out of small, concrete
pavers with a round stepping stone to roll in front of the
opening. With the help of a crucifix, we were able to reenact
Good Friday and Easter for Jacob. It was like a nativity set,
but for Easter. Jesus stayed on the cross all day Friday and
before sunset, we took him off and wrapped him in a cloth napkin.
We placed him in the tomb and rolled the stone over the opening.
We read the story some more. Saturday morning, Jacob rolled
the stone back and put his hand on top of the cloth and said,
“Dad, Jesus is still in there, but I think he moved a little
bit!” Sunday morning came and Jacob rolled |
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the stone away. He felt the cloth and found it empty.He pulled
it out and unfolded it. He held the cloth up by its corners and
checked both sides. He checked behind the tomb. He
checked the sides of the tomb. “Where is Jesus?” he
asked. “He is not here, Jacob. He is risen!” I
said victoriously. To which he reminded me that he’s still
a three-year old, “Yeah, I know. But where is my pretend
Jesus? Where did you put him?” What a kid!! |
April 2007
Last night, I put Jacob to bed and when we pray at bedtime, I
don’t recite any formulated prayer like, “Now I lay me down
to sleep&ldots;” Partly because the words of that specific
prayer speaks of dying in the night and that is not much motivation
for a three-year old to go to bed. But mainly, I want Jacob to
learn to pray about what is going on in his life and family. I
want him to know that his relationship with God is one where he can
talk about anything. Reciting the same canned prayer each night
becomes a meaningless activity. Most nights he wants me to pray
for him but last night Jacob said he wanted to pray. He
prepared me by saying it was going to be a long prayer (Yeah,
he’ll be a Baptist preacher one day!). He started,
“God, thank you for this day. Thank you for Dad.
Thank you for Mom and ‘Cayla. Thank you for our
house. Thank you for my friend Joseph. Thank you for
making me, me.” He stopped and then said, “Dad that
wasn’t as long as I thought it would be.” I was so
proud that he prayed the way he did that I told him it was the best
prayer I’d ever heard. I looked at my son and saw a
giant! He was mature beyond his years! It was hard to see
him as a kid a little more than a month away from his fourth
birthday. He had to be at least 20! But he quickly cured
me of any delusions. As I was basking in my thoughts, I hear,
“Hey Dad! Watch this trick!” He then grabs his
eyelid and pulled it out away from the eye and let it go and it made
a slight “plip” sound. O.k., he’s still a
three-year old, but an amazing three-year old.
March 2007
We went to Charleston for a weekend to see Jennifer’s cousin who
is in his senior year at the Citadel. We stayed in a hotel that
had an indoor pool so Jacob and Macayla got to go swimming.
While we were all in the water, Jacob (on his own) told me that he
was Jonah and he wanted me to be the fish that gets him. So, I
went under the water and played my role. I rushed up past his
water-treading legs and scooped him up out of the water. Then I
stood there for a moment and Jacob said, “Alright, put me
down. Let’s do it again.” But I asked him,
“How did Jonah get out of the fish?” Jacob paused and
then yelled up to the ceiling, “O.K. God, I’m ready to go
to Nineveh!!” I couldn’t have planned a better
cue. I threw him up in the air and he landed (with my
assistance) back in the water. This was to mimic the fish
vomiting up Jonah on to dry land, but I decided in our case it was
safer and more efficient to drop Jacob in the water instead of on the
concrete around the pool. The Bible doesn’t say this, but
Jonah was spit out of the fish multiple times at the North Charleston
Country Inn and Suites pool.
February 2007
Jacob was helping his mom recently to plant seeds in some cups to see
if they would grow. They got some beans, apple seeds, and peas
and put them in cups with topsoil. Jacob has a few gardening
shovels that he likes to use at the beach and he wanted to use them
for this project. After they were done, Jennifer told him he
had to wash the shovels off before he could take them inside.
He brought them inside and set them near the sink to be washed, but
that never happened. Later I noticed the shovels by the sink,
not knowing that they needed to be washed, I told Jacob to put them
up. Without saying a word, he took the shovels. Later he
went to Jennifer and told her that he had lied. She asked him
what he was talking about and he responded that he knew his shovels
needed to be washed but he took them and hid them in his room and
never told dad that they needed to be washed. But he said he
needed to tell the truth so he came to Jennifer and told her what had
happened. What a small thing, but what a huge thing! We
were so proud that he came to us when he felt he had done something
wrong. If only it will last through the teen years!
January 2007
There is a PBS television show, Clifford the Big Red Dog that
Jacob and Macayla like to watch. Clifford lives with his owner,
Emily Elizabeth, next door to a man aptly named Mr. Bleakman.
Mr. Bleakman has a bleak outlook on things and is usually
grumpy. One morning I was dressing Jacob for school and
Clifford had just been on. Jacob was not following directions
very well that morning at all and it was very frustrating. I
finally gave in to my frustration and yelled at Jacob to get his tail
over to me and get his clothes changed. Jacob quickly came with
a somber look on his face. Then he looked up at me and said,
“Dad, you’re acting like Mr. Bleakman.” I asked,
“What do you mean? Do you mean I’m being
grumpy?” Jacob looked at me and said in a very
matter-of-fact manner, “Yeah!” My drill-sergeant
demeanor was overcome by his humor and honesty. I couldn’t
help but laugh.
December 2006
Jacob’s and Macayla’s grandparents, BB and Papa, shared
this story:
Macayla and Jacob went to church with us Sunday morning and several
people that have been praying for her were able to see her and put a
face with the name on our prayer list. Jacob was able to see
our addition to our church and enjoy the new nursery facilities and
when we went outside after church, he looked up and said, “You
have a steeple now, like a church, and there is a cross on it.
Jesus died on the cross for you and me because he loves us so much
and we are going to have Jesus' birthday at Christmas.”
On Saturday night we were planning to give Macayla a bath and Jacob
said that she has a special chair that holds her in the tub and that
she couldn't take a bath at our house. I told him that Papa and
BB would both do it and we could give her a bath. He then said,
“Please keep my sister safe in the bath tub.” He is
such a blessing and a treasure to us with all of his sayings.
November 2006
|
My youngest sister just got married and Jacob was the ring bearer and
his cousin, Rebecca, was the flower girl. There is only a few
weeks difference in their age and their personalities compliment each
other. The wedding took place on the front porch of my
parent’s house and there were small circle mats laid out across
the porch floor to designate where the different members of the
wedding party were to stand. The string quartet began playing
Canon D and the wedding party advanced to their positions. Jacob
came up the walk with the ring |
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pillow in hand and found his circle to stand on. He and
Rebecca knew they had to stay on their circles! Rebecca took a
little longer to get up the walk. She wanted to arrange the
flower petals and not just drop them. She took so long that the
wedding march began and she was still not finished. So, the
maid of honor, Rebecca’s mom, promptly prodded her along to her
assigned circle. They did well standing on their circles.
They were supposed to stay on their circles. But
three-year-olds can only stand on one spot for so long, regardless of
its shape. So, they solved the problem. As the ceremony
progressed, I looked down to see that both Jacob and Rebecca were
picking up their circles and dropping them on the floor in front of
them. Then they would simply step to the new position where the
circle was. Jacob used this quite efficiently to come up to me
while I was conducting part of the ceremony just so he could
“tell me something.” Rebecca gave up on tossing the
circle and decided just to hold hers so she could go where ever she
wanted. Three-year-olds are great problem-solvers.
September 2006
We had a family friend die due to a boating accident. She was a
senior in college and her father was our pastor a few years ago.
We were fortunate that she was in college near us and we were able
to reconnect with her some over the past year. We ache for
their loss. Jacob always asks me to say his prayers for him at
bedtime. The night after the funeral, I was praying with
him and phrased part of the prayer, “Jesus, please be with some
friends of ours who are very sad right now.” It simply
came out and unfortunately I wasn’t quite ready to explain what
I was talking about to Jacob if he asked. He asked.
“Why are our friends sad, Daddy?” I just told him
that Mommy and Daddy had some friends that had something happen to
their family and they were sad. Jacob said he wanted to pray to
God for that. He sat up in his bed and looked upward and said,
“God, our friends are sad because something happened to their
family. They need you right now to make them feel better.
If you are with them they will feel better.” Jacob lay
back down and told me to pray the same thing. I did. The
next night at bedtime, all on his own Jacob asked, “Daddy, are
our friends still sad?” I told him that they were probably
still sad. He asked, “Why are they so sad?” I
explained that they had a daughter who died and they are very sad
about that because they miss her. He said, “Let’s
pray to God about that.” We did.
August 2006
We are back from the beach, and Jacob has once again supplied us with
some fantastic statements.
Jacob has to wear an eye patch due to “lazy eye” two hours
each day. This has been a challenge to be consistent in.
But we came up with a plan that we would circle each day on the
calendar that he wore his patch and if he got enough circles, he
could go to the store and pick out a special surprise. The
latest special surprise has been Batman action figures. He
loves superheroes. Jennifer was putting Jacob to bed and saying
bedtime prayers. In the middle of the prayers, Jacob stops her
and asks, “Can we thank God for superheroes?”
Jennifer replies, “We can thank God for anything, but we need to
thank Him for your obedience in wearing your patch.”
“But I want to thank God for my superheroes,” Jacob
insisted. Jennifer reassured Jacob that it was o.k. to thank
God for that. But she sees a teachable moment and says,
“You know Jacob, Jesus is a hero that is stronger than all of
your superheroes. He is the one...” Jacob grew weary
of the teachable moment. With his hand he gestured a shooing
motion and said, “You can go, Mom. I’m going to thank
God for my superheroes by myself.”
The other morning I took Jacob into the bathroom to potty. When
we were done, he was pulling up his shorts and said, “Shrek
says, ‘You stupid jackass!’” I was shocked at
what I thought I heard and asked him what he had just said. He
replies, “Shrek says, ‘You stupid jackass!’”
The good thing was that he was making it clear that he was quoting a
line from a movie. But of all the quotes from all the movies,
why did this one have to stick? I responded as calmly as I
could so as not to make a big deal out of it, but to drive home the
point that we don’t say things like that. It seems with
three-year-olds if you make a big deal out of something like that, it
stays at the forefront of conversation for the next six months.
“Jacob, that is not a nice thing to say and Shrek should not
have said that,” I replied. “We don’t want to
repeat words like that because they are not nice words.”
Jacob was quick to agree, “Yeah, that wasn’t nice.
Shrek just needs Jesus. Then he would feel better and be
nice. Shrek needs Jesus.”
Amen and don’t we all!
July 2006
Jacob is on his way to becoming a major Bible scholar. We were
riding in the van and in a moment of improvisation he began to tell
me the story of Jonah. In total, it took several moments over
the course of three days to tell me the whole story. He kept
adding or revising certain elements along the way. So here is
the compilation of those multiple versions and sequels:
“Jonah was not being a good listener so God put him in
time-out. The big fish swallowed Jonah. He was in the
fish for three days and four weeks. Then God made the fish spit
Jonah out and God put the fish in time-out. Then Jonah built a
big ark and the wind came and blew it down. Then Noah was on
the ark and the bad men threw him off and the fish ate him.”
On a different note, Jacob has really had to learn to do more for
himself than many three year old children. Macayla requires
quite a bit of attention so it makes it hard to always help Jacob
with things. The other night Jacob was pelting me with
questions and demands and it was an especially bad night for
Macayla. She was having a lot of dementia and was not taking
her meds very well. I snapped at Jacob after a while and told
him he had to wait until I got Macayla in a more stable situation
before I could help him. I told him that he had to take care of
himself for the time being and I would help him as soon as I
could. The worst part of all this was that I said it in a loud
voice that wasn’t nice and it hurt his feelings. Jacob
left the room and a few minutes later he came in to the den where
Macayla and I were still working on medication. He looked at me
and in a cheerful voice said, “Macayla doesn’t walk as good
as I do, so I just need to do what everyone asks me to do.”
It made my heart swell to see all of this love come from him in
spite of the harsh and unloving way I had just treated him. He
is certainly a big brother and he teaches me all the time about love
and gentleness.
June 2006
Jacob is great with random phrases of hilarity.
The other night as I was putting him to bed he had just drifted off
to sleep but quickly woke up and said, “Dad, do you know what
I’m thinking of?” “No,” I answered,
“What are you thinking of?” He responded, “Big,
juicy corn dogs. Say it with me Dad. Big...Juicy...corn
dogs.” He then went back to sleep.
On the way back from the beach he watched Jennifer give Mac her meds
which he’s been very accepting of and never has many questions
about. But he asked why Macayla had to take medicine.
Jennifer told him that Macayla has seizures and needs medicine to
help with them.
The next morning when he woke up, he wanted to play doctor and give
medicine to everyone. He takes care of Mac so often and tries
to be her big brother and protect her. He’s just an
amazing kid.
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